NORAD Tracks Santa, ACLU Missile Intercepted

Continuing a 50-year-long tradition, the North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) is again tracking Santa Claus this Christmas Eve, in clear violation of the First Amendment’s ban on religion in America.  Santa’s current position, as well as Santa Cam video captured by fighter jet escorts of the United States and Canadian Armed Forces, is available live at NORAD’s Santa Tracker website.  

The armed escort is apparently necessary to protect Santa’s flight from the ACLU, which this year announced that it has fielded a special squadron of atheist lawyers in French-made Mirage jets in an attempt to issue a “permanent restraining order” to the unforgivably affable St. Nick.

In a wonderful display of Christmas spirit, NORAD volunteers are also manning a live switchboard to update children on St. Nick’s progress around the world (1-877-Hi-NORAD).

To the Air Force Sergeant who answered my four-year-old son’s call and updated him on Santa’s progress toward America’s East Coast –and to all our military personnel at home and abroad—please accept my very sincere thanks.  You made a little boy’s day.  As you instructed, he will be in bed and asleep before Santa’s “ETA” for this area.

Merry Christmas to the joint American and Canadian forces of NORAD.  Merry Christmas to all our military volunteers around the world.  And Merry Christmas to the readers of Human Events.