Will Johnny Damon Shave His Beard?

The New York Yankees just picked up center fielder Johnny Damon from the Boston Red Sox (full disclosure: I hate both teams).

The obvious question is: Will Damon cut his hair and shave his Jesus-like beard in order to adhere to George Steinbrenner’s "dress code?" … And if so, will his hair-loss result in a Samson-like loss of strength? (These are the questions that kept me out of the really good schools).

I’ve long believed the unkempt appearance of Red Sox players, in stark contrast to the clean-cut Yankees, defined them as the anti-Yankees.

Every outsider in the world who worked for some corporate conglomerate could identify with the downtrodden Red Sox and their seemingly quixotic attempt to overcome the neatly pin-striped New York Yankees. Then, the worst thing happened to their image: The Red Sox won. How can you be an outsider and win?

Success often changes us. And just like the former hippies who now own stocks and live in the Burbs, Johnny Damon has gone over to the corporate world and signed with the dreaded Yankees. (I guess even millionaires have to bow to the man, sometimes.)

Will he shave the beard? Who knows? At least it will be entertaining. Here’s an idea. How about a "Seinfeld" episode where George Castanza tells Johnny Damon (without consulting Steinbrenner) that he can keep the beard if he signs with the Yankees (comedy ensues)? I know, I know, "Seinfeld" has been off the air for five years, now. But I can dream, can’t I?