His Byrdness' Pork

If you’ve never been to Shepherdstown, WV it’s worth the drive (which is only about an hour and a half from DC.)  It’s located near Harper’s Ferry and just a stones throw from the Antietam Battlefield.  Shepherdstown is full of quaint little restaurants like The Bavarian Inn and the Yellow Brick Bank.  It’s also the home of the university where I matriculated.

Robert C. Byrd is a god at Shepherd University.

On September 16, he spoke at Shepherd to commemorate Constitution Day — a day he invented.  (I can only hope that one day I am eccentric enough to invent holidays.)

In case you were interested, here’s the rule on inventing holidays: If you have enough money to fund a building, like say, The Robert C. Byrd Science and Technology Center (which, by the way, earned him the title: "King of Pork" by Citizens Against Government Waste) — then you are allowed to invent a holiday (that’s the real reason “Festivus” never took off — not enough money behind it.)

Of course, Shepherdstown isn’t the only town indebted to the former Klansman.  There’s also Byrd High School, Byrd Freeway, Byrd Cancer Research Center, etc., in other West Virginia towns.

Byrd’s pork has been good to some. It has built buildings (including a Coast Guard base in a land-locked state) and has afforded the Senator the ability to invent random holidays.  Unfortunately, it has also increased all of our taxes, and helped make West Virginia a permanent welfare state.  … You know, it’s a tradeoff.

The good news is that West Virginia has been trending Republican.  It’s only a matter of time before we elect a Republican U.S. Senator from WV.  As Byrd begins to campaign for a ninth term, the question remains, can he be stopped?  The National Republican Senatorial Committee has launched a website to help do just that:

Here’s to inventing a new holiday: Bobby Byrd Retirement Day.