Did President Bush Pick a Real Tough Guy for UN Ambassador?

By nominating a lightning-rod personality as his new ambassador to the United Nations, President Bush has sparked a Bolton from the blue, setting off political fire from the global liberal elite. A proud Reaganite who has served both in the U.S. Departments of State and Justice, John Bolton once was embraced publicly by legendary North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms, who lovingly gushed: "John is the kind of man with whom I would want to stand at Armaggedon . . . the final battle between good and evil in this world." This Righteous reputation, of course, is driving the liberals nuts. Massachusetts' most recent presidential loser, John F. Kerry, has sniffed, "Quite simply, Mr. Bolton's nomination carries with it baggage we cannot afford." (Quite simply, JFK II did not mean this luggage reference as a slur upon the fine image of his own Louis Vuitton collection.) Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, who fast is becoming the Democrat Party's Nevada version of Desert Rat, bared his rodent-like teeth and solemnly squeaked: "This is a disappointing choice and one that sends all the wrong signals!" From the Republican side, extreme-moderate Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chaircreature Richard Lugar yawned and drooled his typically mushy Hoosier perspective: "I'm going to reserve any comments about the President's appointment…" The Bolton-bashing litany from the Leftist media is predictable, from the U.K.'s hoary Guardian to Gotham's pinkish Gray Lady, the New York Times. Yet, what all these liberal voices have in common is… they are wrong! John Bolton, far from being a hardcore conservative choice, is actually squishy soft when compared with the dark-horse candidate for ambassador to the United Nations whom President Bush almost selected! Before settling on his choice of Mr. Bolton, President Bush, I have learned from highly opaque sources, was considering the possibility of dispatching to the U.N.'s Taj Mahal on the East River a little-known amateur negotiator: Moose MacTavish, a tough-as-nails Scots-American who lives in a humble croft deep in the Highlands of North Carolina with his adoring wife Fiona and their 14 children, all of whom are under the age of 15. Why was the President so fascinated by the prospect of Moose MacTavish? First, the virile mountaineer would have been the first man in the world named "Moose" to be designated a diplomat; second, Mr. MacTavish has served on both sides of the North Atlantic with distinction as Grand Interlocutor of the Ancient and Ornery Caledonian Order of Scoti, Picts and Hirsute Highlanders, a semi-secret, interclan (with a "c," not a "k"), transnational organization. Moose is known best for employing colorful and exquisitely fashioned tartan sashes to garrote his liberal enemies in political combat-the latter quality prompting Mr. Bush to note, "This guy sure has learnt all the ropes good!" To demonstrate, nevertheless, the temperateness of President Bush's ultimate choice for the U.N. position, one needs only to compare the published positions taken by John Bolton with those staked out privately (for Mr. Bush's ear) by Moose MacTavish: UN Real Estate.