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A new handbook for conservatives lampoons the looney left and Hillary's belief in a vast right wing plot.

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Conspiracy Theory Meets Reality

A new handbook for conservatives lampoons the looney left and Hillary’s belief in a vast right wing plot.

Hillary Clinton said any number of bizarre things during her tenure as co-President but none as obviously wacky as the characterization of her husband’s political opponents as being part of the “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.” Just because everybody’s out to get you, doesn’t prove a conspiracy exists. Mark Smith has assembled a quick and punchy guide to refuting loopy liberal lines in the Official Handbook of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy (published by Regnery, a sister company of HUMAN EVENTS). Reality checks are a good antidote to mythical fantasies.

  • Corporate America is run by conservative white males. Really? Can Michael Bloomberg, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Ted Turner, and Bill Gates be characterized as conservative?
  • There is no liberal media bias. Yes, this would explain why Newsweek spiked the Monica Lewinsky story. It’s why Chris Matthews, former Carter and Tip O’Neill speechwriter, is considered an objective reporter and not a “liberal commentator.”
  • Islam is a religion of peace. It is bigoted and wrong to suggest that the terrorists have anything to do with true Islam. Hmm. One of the basic tenets of jihad is “Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them.” Only Muslim militants celebrated on 9/11, not the Amish or the Lutherans. Into which category do we fit, Muslim, apostate or infidel?
  • Occupying Iraq will create more terrorists. Did occupying Germany create more Nazis? I particularly enjoyed Smith’s suggestion for the United Nations: bulldoze it and build a Starbucks. Nowhere in the Constitution is the support for the United Nations mandated. And no, Virginia, the UN hasn’t been effective at preventing things like war and genocide nor encouraging human rights.
  • We can’t afford to cut taxes. Cutting government jobs will hurt the economy. Smith’s response: “most government workers are parasites who produce nothing but paper and costs to the nation’s productive sector.” (As a side note, I visited the local Social Security office to apply for a card for my baby. I wonder if the clerk could read. After giving her a verification of birth letter from the hospital, she returned it to me saying she needed something with the baby’s name on it. My daughter’s name was on the hospital document in capital letters. Fortunately, I had prior experience in this department and I toted along her baptismal certificate as well. She accepted that.)
  • Missile defense systems are too expensive. Expensive compared to what? 9/11 and 3000 casualties and a trillion dollars economic damage? What should we do if the Chinese or North Koreans fire a missile at us? Smith’s advice: duck.
  • We need tort law to punish doctors and businesses that are negligent. We need activist courts to protect the American people from themselves. The result of tort law frenzy has been the punishment of doctors and businesses that are innocent. Sure, the truly negligent should be held accountable, but that’s not why malpractice rates have escalated to ridiculous levels and obstetricians are closing their doors in favor of less litigant producing services.
  • Law enforcement should not be allowed to consider race at all. Terrorist profiling makes sense. In past years, it was not the Amish, but young Muslim males who: hijacked the Achille Lauro, blew up Pan Am 103, the Beirut barracks, the World Trade Center in 1993, the barracks in Saudi Arabia, the embassies in Kenya and Tanzania, the U.S.S. Cole and hijacked four airliners killing 3,000 people on 9/11.
  • A fetus is not a human life. Humanity is not an acquired skill. You either are or you are not. No one asks a pregnant woman, “so how’s the fetus doing?”
  • Conservatives don’t care about the environment. Sure they do. They just don’t believe in hysteria and junk science.
  • Guns kill children. We’ve got to protect the children. More children under the age of five die from drowning in a bucket of water than children under ten die from accidental gun shot wounds. Shall we ban the water buckets? If the liberals would just take the time to think, they’d become more reasonable and less paranoid. Smith’s Official Handbook exposes the absurdity of a delusional mindset.
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    To purchace The Official Handbook of the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, click here.

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    Written By

    Mrs. Walsh is a freelance writer in Fredericksburg, Va.

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