Energy & Environment

San Francisco’s Crapper Control Goes Foul

This summer, as the San Francisco Giants were steaming toward winning the World Series, there was a noticeable stench surrounding their home field, AT&T Park.

The Giant’s ballyard hugs the San Francisco Bay.  During low tide, as the bay water ebbs, and microscopic organisms in the mud are exposed to air and rapidly begin to decay, creating a rotten smell. 

During past baseball seasons, fans continually complained of the low-tide stink.  However, the sulfur-like scent wasn’t the result of the ways of the sea.  It was caused by environmentalists having their way with Mr. Crapper’s invention—the flush toilet.

When Englishman Thomas Crapper designed his tank-flush toilet system in late 1800s, he used gravity to drive water from an elevated tank down into the bowl, where the water would quickly whisk the waste into the sewer.  Crapper’s design called for a satisfying rush of seven gallons of water. 

The flush toilet did not gain popularity in the United States until after World War I, when American troops came home from England talking about this new invention called “the crapper.”

American ingenuity took Crapper’s design, eliminated the elevated tank with its pull chain, and began manufacturing the traditional throne configuration we use today.  By the 1950s, commodes in the United States were adequately doing their thing with 3.5 gallons of water.

Then the eco-freaks got involved.

Because environmentalists are opposed to the construction of new dams and reservoirs, they naturally went straight to the loo in their search for ways to reduce water consumption.  Eco-lobbyists were able to slip a provision into the 1992 “Energy Policy Act” mandating that all residential toilets sold in the U.S. beginning in 1994 use no more than 1.6 gallons per flush.  A similar requirement for commercial buildings took effect in 1997.

Roto-Rooter has never been busier—1.6 gallons is not enough flushing power.

Be honest, we’ve all noticed the problem.  Bathroom visits often require a double flush.  And the bowl gets slimy faster too.  Why do you think there are so many products being advertised on TV to clean johnny these days?  Big Government has gotten into your latrine.

But, as usual, it’s worse in The People’s Republic of San Francisco.  Several years ago, to encourage its residents to pitch their old traditional cans and purchase a low-flow model, the green zealots running SF started a taxpayer-funded rebate program to help locals upgrade.  Shortly thereafter, city engineers started noticing sewer backups.  Since then, San Francisco has been forced to spend $100 million to upgrade its sewer system and sewage plants, in large measure to combat the problem. 

And further proving their lack of sanity, the kooks in City Hall instituted yet another rebate program of up to $125 per potty to those who upgraded to a toilet using only 1.28 gallons per flush.  To work properly, these privies require a third flush.

But even the sewer improvements are not enough.  AT&T Park smells like a pack of ripe hippies attending a summer Grateful Dead concert.

So now officials are stocking up on a $14 million, three-year supply of sodium hypochlorite—also known as bleach—to kill the odor and disinfect the city’s treated water before it’s dumped into the bay.  The bleach will also be used to treat San Francisco’s drinking water.  This means nearly nine million pounds of bleach will either be poured down city drains or into the drinking water supply every year.

The moral of the story:  When environmentalists mess with your crapper, the result stinks.

Sign Up
  • Lance Morrison

    I can tell you this: If you or I dumped that much bleach into the drinking water, they would call us terrorists. This city wants to make circumcision illegal, but they they can’t even hit the seat when it comes to being a straight shooter.

  • Rivera

    And all this time it was thought the smell came from the concentration of homosexuals in SF. The smell they desire for it’s their way of coitus.

  • Lance Morrison

    Hey Rivera, you HAVE to be a liberal troll trying to make H.E. look stupid. ‘Coitus?’ Really?

  • Martin Hale

    ProTip: Any homeowner interested in a full-flush commode can usually find one at a high-end surplus building supply house. There are vintage pre-owned units of all designs, styles, colours and sizes available at most reasonably large surplus yards and the good news is you can pick up some of the pre-1982 5+ gpf’ers or the 1982-1990 3.5 gpf’ers all at very reasonable prices. If you’re decorating in the contemporary style, may I suggest that you’re SOL, but if you’re going for any kind of traditional style, including retro ‘modern’, there are units to be found.

    For those of you living near the Northern border, there are nice new 3.5 gpf’ers on offer in Canada. You just have to get it back across the border.

    Of course in SF, as in much of CA, your water bill may balloon to resemble your car note, but at least your pipes won’t be swimming in crap.

  • Dustoff

    The one big problem with “bleach” it kills everything.

  • tuffone3

    Yeah, now thanks to these stupid “environ-mentalists” the eco system of the SF bay should die faster.


    I always thought Sodom by the Sea was full of crap!

  • Martin Hale

    You mean being accosted on the streets by aggressive bums and watching the dregs of society shooting up in the parks doesn’t do it for you?

    Wotta snooty snobbity-snob you must be. ;-)

  • reddarin

    lol Al Bundy FTW :)

  • Telescoping You

    San Frantoilet; a just dessert.

  • Harlequin_Reality

    It is highly appropriate that San Francisco now smells like the vile moral cesspool that it is. Keep up the good work, Enviro-weenies.

  • Billtexas

    Who would have thought that Archie Bunker’s toilet would have the best comment on the current situation in America?

  • Dustoff

    Ahhhhhhhhhh NO! (-:

  • JBHNJ44

    Lance Morrison said — “If you or I dumped that much bleach into the drinking water, they would call us terrorists.”

    But of course the envirotyrants get away with it, because they’re the same ones stick us with those CFL’s that are loaded will all that MERCURY that they’re supposed to hate.

    Lance also said — “Hey Rivera, you HAVE to be a liberal troll trying to make H.E. look stupid.”

    Oh, take it from me, of course he is. Rivera is an anti/Semitic-stalker who used to accuse myself & BabyRepublican of being ‘liberal’ (and of being the same person).

    Martin Hale said — “For those of you living near the Northern border, there are nice new 3.5-GPF’ers on offer in Canada. You just have to get it back across the border.”

    OMG, I shocked that nobody else has asked this — Can we get that kind of toilet in the “doodie-free shop”?

    JESSE from NJ

  • johntmcdonald

    Let’s see if we can give California back to Mexico. They might not charge us too much.

  • MA Jack

    Who would have ever thought we’d see a black market for toilets, or for incandescent lightbulbs. Hmmm, I sense a business opportunity here. Meanwhile, the decline of Western Civilization continues…

  • Rivera

    Hey Lance Morrison, of course you are offended, homosexuals get offended when their crapper lifestyle is exposed and ridiculed.

    Michael Barone’s columns and Charles Krauthammer are a few article contributors that make Human Events look stupid as you ignorantly word it.

    I am not sorry that you are a homosexual and have coitus the abnormal way with males. In the Muslim world they would have killed you for that disgusting atrocity.

    Good thing you liberals live in America eh?

  • Rivera

    Lance and JBHNJ44 are one and the same leftist Jews, like George Soros, from liberal New Jersey aka Jesse, NJ.

    He and a few others post narrow-minded crap like ” “If you or I dumped that much bleach into the drinking water, they would call us terrorists.”

    And quick to call other posters, anti-Semites, trolls, racists and so forth. Typical leftist tactics.

    They are the fake personalities Rush Limbaugh exposed last week that Obama’s people and the DNC are doing, infiltrating Conservative blogs.

    Now we have DOJ clowns and Obama’s people like Lance Morrison aka Jesse, NJ posting.

  • Martin Hale

    Pssst….hey buddy…yeah, you Mac…over here…nah…over here. Hey, youse, ya wanna buy a regular showah-head? None of that wimpy ‘ten-minutes-to rinse-the-shampoo-outa-yeh-hair-crap’. Dis is da real ting.

  • planeboy

    Gee…How did they not see this coming..I mean their so FULL of it in that town…

  • JayC777

    If they agree to keep the knuckleheads that currently live there … no price is too high.

    Say … $25 billion. They keep the debt … we break even.

  • Gene Lalor

    The City By the Bay Stinks!

    Tony Bennet may have left his heart there but, if so, Tony should know that San Francisco may be fine for storing organs but when he visits he might consider bringing a bag lunch and some Air Wick.

    I’ve never been to San Fran and I hear it’s nice this time of year. So, too, is Kolkata, formerly known as Calcutta, where many Kolkatans/Calcuttans engage in the same activity as some San Franciscans. In less sophisticated locales it’s called “dumpster diving.”

    I don’t know what it’s called in Kolkata/Calcutta since I haven’t visited there either–I’m only allowed to travel around the block–and I doubt they have many dempsty dumpsters or any other kind of dumpsters but Frisco sophisticates call it “foraging.” They also, naturally, believe they’re making an environmental statement, as Friscans are apt to do.

    “BigFurHat” of–who evidently doesn’t get out much either– witnessed a forager on the Travel Channel say, “This generation is breaking free from the undemocratic contrivances of food distribution and unsustainabilty and embracing a unique vehicle of how one goes about reclaiming a relationship with food.”

    Not being a food sophisticate, I’m not sure what that means but “BigFurHat” did. He termed it “bullsh*t,” which seems to fit since the server of the Travel Channel meal, priced at $85 per, “made some snail concoction on a cracker. Then he served some fennel thing on a cracker. Then he served wild boar that some dude shot on his parent’s farm:”

    The sources of all the other delicacies were not revealed, probably because they were all illegally obtained either from dumpsters or from “public spaces.” Hey, if super-sophisticated Friscans were willing to fork over $85 for grub that could have been dumpster-dredged and plucked from municipal flower beds, it’s all good, no? As long as we are ”breaking free” and “reclaiming,” yada, yada, yada.

    Bless their and Tony’s hearts, San Franciscans are also very water conscious as well as food-relationship conscious. However, as is typical with liberals, when blind idealism confronts noxious reality, they tend to complain.

    San Francisco is big into low-flow toilets, you know, those johnnies designed to preserve precious water that usually require two or three flushes to do the job and thereby waste twice as much water as antiquated loos.

    As so often happens when good liberal intentions go awry, unintended consequences hit the fan, and the atmosphere: “Skimping on toilet water has resulted in more sludge backing up inside the sewer pipes . . . [which] has created a rotten-egg stench near AT&T Park and elsewhere, especially during the dry summer months.” That was absolutely unacceptable to Frisco foodies and to everyone else with functioning olfactories and a cure was demanded.

    To counter the stench, city fathers opted for odor eaters, not those shoe de-stinkers but bleach: “Now officials are stocking up on a $14 million, three-year supply of highly concentrated sodium hypochlorite–better known as bleach–to act as an eater of odors and to disinfect the city’s treated water before it’s dumped into the bay. It will also be used to sanitize drinking water:”

    Oh, no, you don’t, no way, Jose’, said baywatchers! Dumping 8.5 million pounds of bleach either into city drains or into the drinking water supply every year was even more unacceptable than stinkiness!

    Save Our Bay-ites want a bleach alternative, say hydrogen peroxide, which would serve the dual purpose of a supposedly equally-effective disinfectant and deodorizer at the same time it would make for more Frisco blondes and, without a shred of evidence, they still contend that those low-flow toilets save San Francisco 20 million gallons of water a year.

    My suggestion is that the San Francisco snails, tails, and puppy dog foodies form an alliance with the baywatchers and campaign for a world where all hippies eat garbage with the sole stipulation that they then only utilize low-flow toilets which are purified by the hydrogen peroxide–until they discover that dumpsters and flower beds and wild boar could be contaminated and that hydrogen peroxide is also a poisonous rocket propellant.

  • Lance Morrison

    a) I am not gay
    b) I am not threatened by gays
    c) I am suspicious of people who are

  • bheld

    Correct-a-mundo. Sorry, I forgot all about that. Yep, everything is always Bushs’ fault, isn’t it? :-)

  • cherylmcg

    WaterSense national program tests low flow toilets to make sure they use 20% less water than standard toilets and WITH ONLY ONE FLUSH. Not just SF but even the town you live in!!! Wastewater treatment plants are designed to treat wastewater that is at a higher concentration – disinfection residue and byproducts must meet discharge requirements – set by permits and enforcement of violations.