Devil’s Dictionary of Healthcare Reform
2010 — The year in which Democratic health care “Reform” plans will raise your taxes, impose penalties on your company, and cause your health insurance premiums to increase dramatically, a remarkable achievement given that it is three full years before the plans suggest making any substantive changes to our actual health insurance system; The year in which the US will see a dramatic drop in applications to medical school.
AARP — An interest group which earns billions of dollars by selling Medigap insurance to senior citizens, insurance which Democratic "Reform" plans would make all but required for seniors by gutting Medicare and Medicare Advantage spending; See "Endorsement"
Abortion – A practice opposed by many, supported by many, and almost certain to be funded with government money under Democratic "Reform"; for a related term, see “Illegal aliens”
Affordable — Something which you know will be rapidly increasing in price but which Government will let you pay for with someone else’s money (until it runs out; see Thatcher, Margaret.)
American Medical Association — An interest group which claims to represent America’s doctors even though fewer than a third are members; A group which says that doctors support current Democrat “Reform” plans even though repeated polls show otherwise. See “Endorsement” and “Pharmaceutical makers…” entries.
“Bending the Cost Curve” — An expression used by President Obama when the words “cost curve” appear on his teleprompter rather than his original formulation of “bending the taxpayer over the table”; An expression used to make people believe any Democratic politician has an understanding of microeconomics.; The Democratic economic equivalent of clicking your heels together three times and saying “there’s no price like free, there’s no price like free.”
Blue Dogs — Democratic members of the House who desperately wish someone would pet them following the election results in New Jersey and Virginia; Congressmen who wish Nancy Pelosi would throw them a bone.
Bronze (or Basic) Plans — The government’s way to stigmatize American citizens who cannot afford “enhanced” or “premium”, much less “Cadillac” plans; America’s next victim group whose votes the Democratic Party will try to buy with “free upgrades”, rather like a cable TV company.
Cadillac Plans — Health insurance plans of current or former employees of General Motors, for which unions fought so hard that taxpayers had to spend tens of billions of dollars to rescue GM from the plans’ costs; A health insurance plan which Democrats want to tax because it’s just too generous, and which will soon be defined to include “basic”, “enhanced”, and “premium” plans when Democratic Reform costs begin to bankrupt the nation. (Aforementioned union plans will be excluded).
Canada and England — People whose citizens come to the US for critical medical care when they can afford it because the US does not have the health care system they do.
Choice — A decision you may make, selecting from a list preselected bu a bureaucrat; depending on the issue, the number of possibilities may range from zero to three; Alternatively, something Democrats believe citizens are not smart enough to make.
Congressional Budget Office (CBO) — A group of accountants and economists who, through no fault of their own, calculates the cost of "Reform" as if the Democrats will actually cut hundreds of billions of dollars of Medicare funding; related: see “Score”
Endorsement — The praise given to Reform by any group which was either threatened by Rahm Emanuel or expects to funnel billions of taxpayer dollars its way by siding with Reform early on; the way the American Medical Association is dealing with the maxim "if you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu." See also, “AARP.”
Existing Coverage — A health insurance plan which the vast majority of Americans are happy with and which will be caused to double or triple in price before being forced out of existence so that you Shall be in the Public Option; related: see “Shall”
Health Insurance Companies — A term always to be preceded by the word “greedy”; A group of companies which, while far from flawless, provide an extremely valuable service while earning average profit margins under 3.5% and ranking approximately 85th in profitability among US industry groups, below auto parts stores, footwear manufacturers, home improvement stores, and specialty eateries.
Health Savings Account — A historical remnant of when our government remembered that people spend their own money more wisely than they spend others’.
Illegal aliens — People for whom care is almost certain to be funded with government money under Democratic "Reform"
Individuals and Corporations — Those who will see large tax increases under Democratic health care "Reform"
Insurance Exchange — See "Trigger Mechanism"
May — A word which the next Democrat-led Congress will change to "Shall"
Minimum Actuarial Value — The percentage of expected health insurance claims which a government-approved, employer-provided health insurance plan must cover if the employer is to avoid being put out of business by government taxes, fees, and penalties; Of the various government-approved health insurance plans which are so expensive that an employer must fire workers if he must provide the plan, the characteristic of the cheapest.
"Opt-Out" provision — See "Trigger Mechanism"
Part-time employees — Workers, frequently working mothers who need a flexible schedule, who will be put out of work fastest by Democratic “Reform” requirements that employers provide them health insurance benefits.
Pharmaceutical Makers — People who have learned what it means when you make a deal with an Administration run by Chicago politicians: To quote Dick Armey, if you make a deal with the devil, you are the junior partner. (Applies equally to health insurers, the AMA, and Olympia Snowe.)
Public Option — A government-mandated health insurance plan which one can only escape from by no longer being part of the public, i.e. by being elected to Congress; A socialized medical system which must lead to high prices, high taxes, fewer doctors, less health care innovation, and suggesting Grandma have the good manners to just get on with it.
Qualified Benefits Plan — A government-approved health insurance plan, the definition of which shall change over time such that whatever non-government plan you are most happy with will become illegal soonest.
Reform (as used by Democrats) — Any legislation approved of by the SEIU; Any legislation which increases the power, scope, and cost of government; A change toward a health care system such as exists in Canada and England.
Score — An estimate of the Congressional Budget Office of the likely cost of a piece of legislation, made to be as accurate as possible until the President says that he doesn’t like the answer; An estimate of the economic effect of a bill based on the assumption that people do not change their behavior when tax rates change; A ten-year cost estimate for a plan which gets most expensive starting in its eleventh year.
Senate Health Care bill — A measure which Senator Harry Reid (D-NV) announced at a press conference and which he is asking the CBO to Score, but which he has told Republican lawmakers does not actually exist.
Shall — A word preceding a requirement imposed by Congress on all citizens except members of Congress
Trigger mechanism — The health insurance equivalent of a kidnapper putting a shotgun in your mouth and tying a string from the trigger to the door handle that you would need to turn to escape; Also, code for "we trust Americans aren’t smart enough to know that this really means "Public Option’".
“Young Invincibles” — Sometimes confused with “Young Invisibles”, young generally healthy people who rationally decide that expensive health insurance is a poor use of their limited financial resources because they are so unlikely to have expensive medical problems; The people whom Democrats will drain of their financial resources in order to fund “Reform” in much the same way a leech drains a passing hiker of resources.